Cancer patients explain us their emotional experiences along their cancer process. Psycho-oncologists provide their commentaries in the book Las emociones del cáncer, edited by Mayo Editions, sponsored by the SEOM_Sociedad Española de Oncología Médica. You can entirely read the book in this link.
Nextly, we show a small abstract of three patients’ explanations about the phases of their cancer process:
Diagnosis:
Mireia: I was very scared because it was a sudden change, from being a healthy person to a sick one. I remember the feeling stomach-shrinking and wanting to cry… I also remember that I began to wonder why this was happening to me, if I had been involved in the causes…
At first I didn’t talk this to anyone, I didn’t want anyone to suffer, and I had a serious insomnia… I resorted to Psychooncology and changed my point of view about the need to express my feelings…
Jaime: I felt so well that cancer wasn’t in my head; this word didn’t exist for me. It was not cancer what I had … It wasn’t after one month later that I realized that my illness, not so far, was mortal…
I shared with my wife and friends what was necessary, I never thought hiding anything. I maybe expected them to have some doubts, but they never had. I think it was because of my way of focusing the illness.
Treatments:
Gabriel: It is hard following such a rigid treatment, undergoing chemotherapy every week (…) so you accept what you feel, but it is very hard, at 44 years of age, feeling that your body escapes, that you don’t respond, that the body goes towards a different way from your mind. The extreme tiredness episodes are especially hard (…) having always had a very active life, it is very hard to have to stretch out all the afternoon because you are too much tired…
Mireia: I was very affected by the hair loss, it was hard. At first, I was used to hide and didn’t want to go out (…) I went to chemotherapy sessions every 15 days and for 12 of them I used to feel painful. It was very tired, and the impotence of not being able to control the pain leads to irritation, distress…
The life with cancer:
Gabriel: Obviously, I had life expectancies which I don’t have now. Nature has made me the final point; I had it before, but it was an ellipsis (…) I’m afraid of the future (…). Now I think that life is life and that it is going to last up to a moment, and when this moment arrives, life will stop… but it’s not easy to put a stop on it…
When someone asks me what’s wrong, I really do not know what to say … I’ve noticed some changes in social circles…
Mireia: I felt such a level of anxiety that I was very scared to die, and I started to look for information on the Internet (…) Then I realized that if you have doubts about the disease, you should not look for online information online, but asking to the physician (…) and not to stop asking him questions until you feel calm. Don’t be afraid of asking for psychological help, because sometimes you find yourself unable to control the disease…
I think cancer isn’t well-known neither accepted, yet. You feel others’ look which is not contemptuous, but of curiosity or wonder, especially among young people. Sometimes you need words of support rather than compassion, which make you feel worse…
Jaime: My daughters and my wife are my whole life (…) I feel that I won’t leave this life until I’ve brought up my little child…
The future
Gabriel: I used to prioritize my work, as society leads us to do, but now I prioritize my personal relationships.
Mireia: The disease has given me a lot of freedom. It changed things of my life; a whole path that I had already done (…) Cancer has made me to realize that life is not bound by established rules (…) so you’ve got the freedom to change some things. (…) Somehow, cancer has given me a better quality of life, higher well-being, and the feel of enjoying everything…
Jaime: I’ve become aware that we are in this world only in passing (…) Now that I am fine I’ve realized that we must die, although it would be better if it takes place the day after tomorrow. When planning, I try not to do long-term plans (…) Now I’m ready (…) I understand that I have to leave…